


En Pointe

by Lanerose



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Dirge of Cerberus: Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Crack, Game Mechanics as Plot Devices, Gen, Warning: Possible brain breakage, so much crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-12-04
Updated: 2006-12-04
Packaged: 2018-07-10 16:39:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6996142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lanerose/pseuds/Lanerose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Vincent practices ballet, mostly because Confuse is a thing that happens.</p>
            </blockquote>





	En Pointe

**Author's Note:**

> So here’s what happened. My friend and I were playing Dirge of Cerebrus – or, well, I was playing, and she was watching, but yeah. So… I’m not very good with the controls for video games. DoC was actually the first first-person shooter I ever played. Kingdom Hearts was, actually, the only game I’d played previously that requires you to hit things. As anyone who has played Kingdom Hearts can tell you, X is the button to hit when you need to whack something / do damage. Unfortunately, in Dirge of Cerebrus, X is the button to jump, not to whack stuff.
> 
> … I had a great deal of trouble remembering that.
> 
> At one point, in fact, I had my enemy targeted and was completely ready to take him out, when I started hitting jump repeatedly and not being able to figure out what was going wrong. Vincent is a very graceful jumper, as people who’ve played DoC might remember. This, combined with those pointy gold shoes of his, convinced us that Vincent would be a wonderful ballerina.
> 
> *cough* Yeah. *cough*
> 
> And that was a crackish enough of an idea that I felt the need to make fic out of it. So, umm… yeah. Enjoy!

“La da da DAH da, la da da DAH da…” Vincent sang softly as he danced. His cape dragged heavily in the air as he leaped softly to the right, bringing his left foot in front of his right and landing in third at the end of his glissade dessous. He winced as a bullet dug itself into his shoulder, but continued his pas de bourree en avant, extending his leg gracefully behind him as he spread his arms wide.

“Bolt!” shouted a voice nearby. Vincent frowned as a sudden burst of light and the sound of someone hitting the ground nearby through off his timing. Clearly, some people were far too clumsy to be participating in this performance. And really, shouting and flash photography at the ballet? How rude!

“Is everyone all right?” called a deeper voice. Vincent ignored it, jumping and beating his calves together before changing the position of his feet.

“Cloud, I think something’s wrong with Vincent,” growled a large cat as it tugged on his cape. Vincent rose to his toes and performed a pas de chat to free himself from its grasp. The cape tugged as he moved before finally coming free.

“Yeah,” Cloud replied, studying the figure before him, “his pas de chat looks more like something a wolf would do than a cat.”

Vincent shook with the insult and lightened his steps as he continued in a circle around his audience.

“How do you know that, Cloud?” Aerith asked, turning to look at him. “Were you a dancer?” She squealed, clapping her hands and jumping up and down. “Ooo, Cloud in tights! I want to see that! You will dance for us, won’t you, Cloud?”

“I – uh – that is –“ Cloud stuttered. Vincent sniffed in displeasure at the boy before beginning his tour de force, a series of pirouette turns en arabesque. His cloak and long dark hair whipped around as he turned, wondering only for a moment why he hadn’t tied his hair up and discarded the awkward garment. The points of his sharp golden toe shoes dug into the ground. “I – uh – ESUNA!”

A beautiful, shiny glow appeared around Vincent, who had a moment to admire the tech crew’s obviously superior lighting skills before the world righted itself and he came to an abrupt halt. He stared at the others for a moment after the Confuse spell wore off, all of whom stared back at him. Vincent turned around, fully intending to stalk off without another word. Unfortunately, he had forgotten that he was still standing en pointe. He stumbled forward a few paces on the toes of his feet before managing to get them underneath him properly.

He coughed.

“Shall we proceed?” He said softly, dangerously – not daring to turn around and face any of them.

“Uh, yeah. Let’s mosey!” Cloud shouted, brushing quickly past him to continue heading across the grassy plains of Wutai.

“Damn it, kid, I thought I told you to stop saying that?” Cid grumbled as he followed. The others, too, headed off.

Vincent sighed once they were far enough ahead not to hear him, and shook his head, mumbling to himself:

“And I thought Frog was bad.”


End file.
